Back in the day, the first man bashed a woman over the head with a club and dragged her into his cave.
Thus monogamy was born.
Members of his tribe were confused, “He didn’t kick her out afterwards? What the hell is that? What…what do you call that?”
Prior to this forward-thinking(?) caveman’s assault, the
tribal communal life was la raison d’etre. But after this unilateral head-thwomping action,
the tribe was introduced to a set of new concepts (exclusivity, the family
unit, commitment and so forth) and what was previously the norm slowly faded
away into obscurity and was replaced with a new
normal.
Thus, we presently encounter terms like, “in a relationship”,
“boyfriend and girlfriend” and “married”. These all stem from a monogamous view
of intimate relationships, which although having changed forms from violence to
non-romantic social institution to courtship, has remained for millennia the
default cultural pretense around the world.
Fast forward a few thousand decades into the present and
witness the phenomena of Men Going Their
Own Way. Many of these men, instead of desiring to get “her” into the cave,
at all costs attempt to kick her out or prevent her from ever getting inside to
begin with.
Yet at some point the next new normal must arise. And what
form is that going to take? What form should it take? Even the most sympathetic
of members from the modern tribe witness
MGTOW and attempt to interpret it through the lens of the old normal, “Oh, so you’re not in a relationship? So, that means
you are “fuck buddies”, right? Oh, you mostly do things other than fuck? You are both are not interested in owning each
other’s sexuality ---- what…what do you
call that?”.
Regardless of what form MGTOW is currently taking on an
individual basis, men are exploring alternatives to the old normal, or as it is
often referred to in the context of relationships: the marriage 1.0 environment. They are searching for a new way.
This new way does not yet have a name. It is a particular
kind of intimate relationship that arises when individuals realize that the
rate at which they are gaining information about what is possible for them,
about exploring and cultivating their own romantic and intimate preferences, is
way too fucking slow to limit to one person in our very finite lifespan. With
that, comes the recognition that a relationship (monogamous or otherwise) that
is good for some time, is not necessarily good for all time --- and that there
is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
We live
in a rapidly changing world. The old normal of “courtship” is facing the new
reality of globalization and the internet information age. Everyone knows that
these things affect businesses, we adapt to them on that front, but we are
loathe to adapt our cherished traditional view of courtship in the same way. The
purpose here is not to discuss “Why?”.The point is, that an individual’s
ability to browse for his values on “dating sites” (still using the old normal
vocabulary) “speed dating”, chat rooms, matching websites, relationship
arrangement businesses, the increase in individuals who can speak the same
language (namely English) around the world, feminism unshackling women’s
inhibitions (thanks girls) results in the possibility to test drive a variety
of different individuals from different backgrounds and cultures --- where this
possibility was heavily limited even 30 years ago.
In the old normal, one was limited to the slim pickings
around their current abode. Indeed, “High-school sweethearts” is yet another
old normal word that rapidly has no relevance in modern western society. There
used to be only a “local” dating market, except for the super-rich. But now,
there is a world dating market for
anyone with moderate means.
We have technology to meet our desires for choice, but our language
remains mired in the swamp of the old normal. We have not brought the advances
in technology into congruence with the cultural idea of what constitutes “relationship”. We carry new means to old
ideas, and we find via our divorce rate and measurement of relationship
satisfaction that they do not work, in the same way universities and radio, newspaper and television industries are learning the hard way that the new
means are incompatible with the old ideas.
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